Most guys expect things to calm down only after a storm has passed. By that time, stress has wreaked havoc on relationships, sleep, productivity and health. Calmness, doesn’t automatically happen after stress, however, you can train to send stress packing by anchoring calm and using functional breathing.
Whether your body senses a threat or not, evolution has taught your brain to signal to release cortisol, your body’s main stress hormone. Cortisol increases your heart rate, tightens your chest and puts you into survival mode. This all happens automatically but it can be interrupted. That part is trainable.
With two tools—functional breath and anchoring calm—you can change your approach from reactive to proactive. You don’t need anything or anyone to use these tools. They can be used anywhere, at any time.
Stress Lives in the Body, Not Just the Mind
Stress doesn’t just impact your thoughts. They may start as an argument, a tight deadline, or an unexpected change, your body reacts even before you think about it.
Your breathing speeds up. Your muscles tense. This is due to the cortisol kicking in, your body’s main stress hormone designed to prepare you for fight, freeze, or flight (run).
This process was useful in the past where danger was everywhere. It isn’t as useful today with everyday problems. In fact it works against you. You can’t focus, you overact and often say things you regret later on.
You can’t just tell yourself to think positive or pretend that you aren’t freaking out. Rather, you need to signal to your body that you’re not really under threat and can instead relax. Probably the fastest way to do that is with your breath.
Method #1: Slow, Light, Deep Breathing
Probably the quickest way to destress is through your breath. Unfortunately, most people breathe in such a way that keeps them constantly stressed – fast, shallow, from their chest and through their mouth.
By making your breath slower, lighter, through the nose and by using the diaphragm to move air in and out of the lungs, you signal the nervous system that you are in rest and relax mode – you’re safe. When that happens cortisol production slows, your heart rate decreases and you brain becomes more focused and clear.
Here’s how to do it:
- Sit comfortable and close your eyes
- Try breathing slowly in and out through your nose
- Let your belly rise and fall naturally – this will naturally force air in an out of your lungs
- Keep your breathing light and quiet—no quick inhales
- Try to slow your breathing down, making each exhale longer than your inhale
This type of breathing trains your nervous system to stay calm under pressure. While it is simple, it may be difficult to accomplish for many initially as they move away from quick fast, forced breathing. Also, for many, nasal breathing may be difficult to start due to nasal congestion. You can get past most problems that prevent you from breathing ‘properly’. with practice. Be sure to practice when things around you are going well so you will be better prepared when they aren’t. Check out Active Breathing for Better Health for tips on improving your breathing.
Method #2: Anchoring Calm with a Physical Cue
Anchoring is another method you can use to calm down. It involves building a connection to a time or times you were most relaxed and calm and using a simple physical action as a trigger so you can relive that state of mind at any time you use the trigger. This happens quickly and reliably when needed, such as when you begin to feel stress building.
This works because the brain naturally links repeated experiences and emotion with physical cues. Over time, those cues become shortcuts. You can use this to your advantage by choosing a small gesture—like pressing two fingers together—and pairing it with relaxed states. With practice, that gesture becomes a signal your nervous system recognizes.
The goal is to train the body to respond with calmness, even in a stressful situation.
How to Build Your Own Calm Anchor
- Select a memory.
Close your eyes and remember a time you were relaxed, calm, and content. Try to remember how you felt, what you saw, heard, and even smelt. Spend a couple of minutes strengthening that memory. - Choose a physical cue.
A small gesture works best—like pressing two fingers together, tapping your leg, or lightly squeezing your fist are great cues that can be repeated and not done by accident. While still remembering the moment of calm, apply the physical cue and hold or repeat the gesture for a moment as you strengthen the memory. - Link it to real calm.
Use the cue during times when you already feel relaxed—after breathwork, during a walk, or just before falling asleep. The more often you pair it with calm, the stronger the association becomes. - Repeat it consistently.
Don’t wait for stress to practice. Reinforce the anchor during less-stressed moments, so it becomes automatic under pressure.
- Use it early.
When you begin to feel stress building and before you lose your edge—use the anchor to alter your state.. It helps you change your mood to become relaxed before stress takes hold.
Breath + Anchor: A Simple Combo That Works
Let’s try and combine these approaches. You need to first go through the exercise of anchoring a relaxed calm memory or memories with a physical cue, as described above.
- First, close your eyes. Take a slow breath through your nose and gently and slowly release it through your nose.
- Place a hand on your stomach and one on your chest to ensure your chest is still and your diaphragm is moving the air in and out of your lungs. Continue breathing slowly and gently.
- Try slowing your breathing even more, if you can.
- Now, add your anchor. Whatever physical cue you chose, use it as you continue breathing slowly and deeply from the diaphragm.
- Hold the physical cue lightly, letting your breath continue to flow slowly and gently into and out of your lungs, as you experience the feeling of calmness.
This pairing works on a couple of levels:
- The breath tells your body you’re safe, triggering your parasympathetic nervous system to calm down [1].
- The anchor creates an association of feeling calm, allowing you to recall that feeling when the cue is triggered.
By using both approaches at the same time you build a stronger sense of calmness, cancelling the feeling of stress and both the physiological and the emotional level. Use them together to take control of your reaction to stress and how you live your life.
Conclusion: Anchoring Calm and Breath
Because of how we are wired to react to situations that cause fight, freeze, or flight, there is no avoiding stress in life. How we handle stress and its impact on our life is entirely within our control.
Using slow, quiet functional breathing and a simple method for anchoring calm, you can quickly and effectively calm your body and mind. The more you practice both, given time, your perception and reaction to stress changes significantly. You will no longer experience stress in the same way, slowly minimizing its impact on you.
Handle stress in real time with slow nasal breathing and a simple anchoring cue to stay calm, focused, and in control under pressure.
Check out A Limited Mindset Is an Untrained Mind.
